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Filling the Void: Big Shift

Filling the Void: Big Shift

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My path always seems to go full circle and I find myself standing at the “beginning” as if I go through seasons. I am after all a Gemini, never standing in the same place long. Over the past few years I have started to accept this, the always moving and changing of energy. I can’t get away from it, so it’s much easier to relax and let it be, embrace the feelings of change… even though they come so often it makes me dizzy. Right when I feel like I’m grasping things firmly and feeling a slight connection forming on my spiritual path, I find myself retreating back and retreating. Retreating back to the Cosmos, where I feel I belong and where I feel the most secure.

With my exploration of the Goddess, I was feeling pretty wide open in this adventure and just at the snap of my fingers, I feel myself pulling back to the void. I’m always trying to go in a different direction but always return to this safe space. Maybe this is a potent sign that my path has been in focus all along and I’m just fighting it. I always want “more” but never feel comfortable when I find it. Once again, my path has changed and retreated back to the start, yet I’m feeling much more comfort this time around.

When I started this “post series” I set up a new altar space for the goddess archetypes and would visit it at least once a day, light some incense and just sit with the feminine energies for a little while. Then, as each week went by, I spent less and less time in this space. Then, one day, I just stopped showing up and avoided this space. I decided to let things sit as is for a bit before I did too much thinking, sometimes I pull away only to return a couple days later… this didn’t happen. I found myself seeking out comfort under the stars in the early morning hours before the sun would rise. When I took my dog out in the middle of the night, I would stand in a daze while I stare up at the moon, in whatever form she was in. It hit me that this is my belonging, this is where I feel the most comfort and the most moved… under the night sky, walking barefoot in the grass, or feeling the rain on my face during a storm.

I think it’s time I start being honest with myself and my path. I’m very much a Pantheist and I don’t understand why I fear it so much. I’m very stubborn in my beliefs (well, non-beliefs you could say) and I’ve been quite comfortable calling myself an Atheist. I am still Atheistic when it comes to logic and my beliefs, but emotionally I am very much a Pantheist… even though others will argue that you cannot be both. No matter what direction I try to move my practice and path in, I always fall back to science, nature, and the cosmos. Sadly, I have decided to end my exploration of the Goddess as a central focus, but she still holds a sacred space in my heart. I still work with the archetypes daily and see her in every aspect of my life. I am just going to open myself up to exploring what I have been pushing away for so many years, that is Pantheism. Perhaps instead of cutting the cord to this post series I can continue it in the direction I am led, so we shall see!

Filling the Void: Earth Below My feet

Filling the Void: Earth Below My feet

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Through the September lunation I have been coming out of my skin – a lot! I have started a new spiritual path that is rocking my world right now and I couldn’t be more happier. I am loving the changes that have been entering my life, the direction my practice is going, and the confidence I have been gaining (not just physically but in other aspects as well).

I’m going to be inviting some topics to the blog soon that I am deeply passionate about, ones that have been growing in my path and practice. Through my Goddess studies and exploring I’ve been drawn to take more action with my passions in the realms of women’s rights and the environment – these two subjects alone have brought me to tears many times through the years. I’ve been a feminist for as long as I can remember but yet I never speak up on the subjects that mean the most to me, I am rather shy and quiet so this keeps me very closed up. I feel that I am finding and discovering my strength as my connection to the Goddess grows. I have never been more involved, in tune, and in love with my path before – I feel like I’m finally finding myself at the age of 33. Who knew the Goddess and her archetypes were there all along, waiting for me with open arms and an open heart.

For a long time I felt that I should have started all this path work and soul searching when I was younger, I always felt I was too old to start now… or I would dwell on the fact that I missed out on the opportunities as a teen because I wasn’t very open to learning and exploring – I had zero interest growing up. I used to be incredibly jealous of other women who would say they started their path as a teen and are now well into their 40’s and 50’s. When I read about other women activists and witches started their path or practice in their 50’s, it’s inspiring!

Exploring the Goddess has led me into taking more action into wanting to participate more in women’s rights, I have been actively looking for local groups to meet with and donate my time to helping in what ever way I can – whether it’s online or in person.

I am currently madly in love with the book Jailbreaking the Goddess by Lasara Firefox Allen. I did not think a book could crack me open the way it has, it feels so good and so right! I cannot recommend this book enough and I’m not even finished! Art has come back into my life as of recently. I’ve been engaging myself in art daily and I haven’t been this involved since my teen years. I used to paint and collage religiously, I breathed art on a daily basis. Somewhere between moving out on my own at the age of 18 and having my daughter at the age of 29, I lost my way and pushed it aside. Art has made a full come back in my life and has once again helped me process the thoughts and emotions in my head…. I also partially blame Bob Ross repeats on Netflix, I’ve been binge watching them for weeks now! I plan to pick up new paints and canvases hopefully this weekend to rekindle the flame between the brush and I, sadly I have no artwork to showcase as I lost all my paintings in a flood we had in a past home we owned, but here is an old insect I painted years ago.

Connecting with the archetypes has been a journey on itself – I’ve tried to open my mind up more and pay attention to the little details in my day, whether that is being outside and feeling the earth under my feet or if I’m indoors and watching the tree’s blow in the wind through open windows. Little by little I’m realizing that I’m more of a Pantheist than I have admitted, I think I talked about this in the first post of the “series”. I have yet to claim myself as a Pantheist since I’m so set in my ways but I feel it coming and I’m liking this space more and more.

Each morning when I go in my studio, I light a some incense on my altar space and say the words: “I connect my body and soul to the Cosmos and I open my heart to the Goddess”. They have slowly became a daily mantra and the first time I spoke these words they slipped off my tongue so naturally that I didn’t think twice and have stuck with me ever since. I often use the words Cosmos, Universe, and Goddess interchangeably in my practice. My preferred word is Cosmos but there is empowering strength when I use the word Goddess. I’ve always felt that the word Goddess was amazing! I could talk about the Cosmos all day it seems…. there is nothing more awe inspiring to me than being able to look up at the night sky and see the stars scattered about and the moon in her glory or seeing the first glimpse of the sun rising over the delicate clouds on the horizon. I absolutely love waking up at 4:30 each morning just so I can wait in anticipation for the sun to rise and watch the light creep through garden little by little.

So, what do I plan to bring to the blog? Not sure yet… I know, that isn’t the answer you were hoping for! I have some things on the tip of my tongue but I haven’t spit them out just yet. Since tarot is very dear to me, I want to find a good mix of tarot, feminism, and everything in between – whether it’s tarot spreads, more card talk, and other tarot worthy topics! I would also love to feature other feminists and Goddess centered spiritualists on the blog who are in the tarot world! If you are interested, please drop me an email (click the envelope at the top right of the blog, under my picture).

Filling the Void: Currently

Filling the Void: Currently

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My exploration into working with the Goddess energy and archetypes has been going really, really well. I’ve been reading a lot, journaling more, and creating art like crazy – I’m loving it! This week I decided to dive into a few new books that arrived over the weekend – Moonology and Jailbreaking the Goddess. I can’t put down Jailbreaking the Goddess, it’s so good and right up my alley. I think I picked it just at the right time! It resonates with my new and current path very well and I have highlighted nearly the entire book so far… I’m one of those people! I have yet to explore more about the author, but I love her writing style and her awesome views on gender binary, queer, and women or those who identify as a woman. I wish I could find more books like this!

The Moonology book is great as well, reminds me a lot of The Way of the Moon Journey “course” I took a couple years back. It’s touching new light on this subject of mapping the moon according with your life and I’m glad I finally picked the book up. So far, I really recommend this book if your looking to get a deeper connection with the moon and your life! My obsession of the moon runs deep and I can tell I will be using this book very often!

Other than reading books, I’ve been writing in my own book… or “book of shadows” as some call it. I prefer… “book”, haha! I’m not very traditional at all when it comes to names and such. I’ve been transferring notes to my book that I took in my women’s circle a while back – things that have worked for me – a few correspondences, etc. I don’t like to just copy and paste everything into my book, I’m really picky about what goes in it. I have been in a secret women’s circle FB group for a little over a year now and we are just 25 women who I adore. We share daily bits of our lives, Craft “together”, and just support one another.

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This week I set up a new altar space as I start this new path of working with the Goddess and I have to say, this is one of my favorite spots in the house right now! I’ve added a few more things to this space since taking a picture, but it’s still pretty much the same. A few things I have in this space are: imagery of the Goddess of how I view her, new/full moon candles, Vessel and Sacred Symbols Oracle, plant clipping from the plant in the kitchen, my feminal candle I created a while back, stones that resonate with me right now, mini words board, etc.

I’m excited to see this space grow and change over time. I am picking up a large desk cabinet from my parents house this weekend and I may move my altar space to that since it has doors and I can close it up if needed. Also, I like the idea of being about to tape up imagery inside that speaks to me!

I’ve been working with a few Goddess archetypes and researching some new ones as well. I’m very drawn to moon Goddesses but have yet to find a few that really call to me – Diana has recently though, she keeps popping into my mind a lot, as well as Kali. I have seen imagery of Kali and have heard very brief mentions of her but I have yet to really explore this powerful archetype. I’m in no way looking for a “main Goddess” or I guess some would say “matron”, I’m just looking for some to focus on. Some current Goddesses that I’ve been interested in: Gaia – Lilith – Hel – Persephone – Diana – Hecate – Venus – Sol

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Filling the Void: Numb Weekend

Filling the Void: Numb Weekend

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It’s been a rough weekend, we lost one of our cats yesterday who was only a 1.5 years old. He became very sick and it was quite sudden. Needless to say it was very hard on myself and our family, it has had me really questioning my path right now and my exploration in a goddess centered spirituality – in a good way.

Yesterday morning his health declined faster than we could get him to the vet and he passed away in the afternoon. It was hard, I haven’t lost a pet since I was a teen so it hit me pretty bad that evening and throughout today. This afternoon I couldn’t rationalize it and worried about if he was ok, even after he has been gone for over 24 hours now. I’ve never been very good at handling death, it’s something that I rarely discuss and rarely like to deal with.

This weekend I decided to open myself up and turn to the goddess and the universe to help me heal and process the emotional pain I have been feeling, I have felt comfort and compassion wash over me. I can’t explain it and I don’t want to. I just know that I have a lot more exploring to do and I don’t want to stop.

Tomorrow is a new day and a new week, I feel much better tonight – not 100%, but better. I’m trying to focus on the positives and what is present in our family right now. We have two healthy and happy pets with us – our 9 year old cat, Elvis and our 8 month old Golden Retriever, Maggie.

My message tonight is to enjoy what and who is in your life right now – tomorrow they may not be here.

Filling the Void: Cracked Open

Filling the Void: Cracked Open

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This is a new journal style series I want to bring to the blog called “Filling the Void” – It’s all about my exploration into a goddess centered spirituality. First things first, I’ve been an atheist nearly all my life and still have a very atheist mindset, but I feel this void and it became apparent to me very recently. My view of the goddess and deity has never changed and I don’t see it changing, but who knows! It has always been on the archetype sense… I normally explain it like this:

I picture myself as a crystal point (not really, just use your imagination) – there are many facets on this crystal, these represent different traits of myself. Some very small, while some are very prominent and large. I view these facets as different personality traits or archetypes… When I want to be closer to nature (like if I’m spending time in the garden a lot or on a hike) that is when I work with the archetype of an earth goddess (Gaia is my main goddess). Or when I’m feeling a struggle with my inner strength and confidence, I begin to work with a goddess that promotes reflects that, often it’s Lilith for me. So I really view deity as different aspects of myself or aspects that I wish to see in myself. I hope that makes sense! I don’t view deity as a supernatural force or being, at least right now I don’t. It’s one reason I keep a standing clear quartz on my altar – not only is it “my” stone that I work with often, but it is also a clear representation of how I work with the goddess archetypes.

Now, maybe I’m more agnostic than atheist these days, I don’t know. I don’t put much focus on it but for some reason moving away from the atheist “title” makes me uncomfortable… there is a sense of comfort in knowing who you are for so long, and then when it shakes up… it’s new territory. I know most say “labels and titles don’t matter” but to me, sometimes they do. Labels and titles help me find others who share the same mind set, it’s a way for me to wave my flag in the air and those who recognize it will know where to find me. I often feel I’m more Pantheist, but I never “made the switch”, lol!

So, I’m not entirely sure where my exploration will go or if it will even get very far, I just know that I am open and willing to start exploring a little bit more into the amazing depths of the feminine divine. Usually when I try to explore something that is calling to me I am quick to judge and pull back the reigns… crawl back into my own personal cave and stay put. I’m tired of pulling back, my cave is getting boring, and I want to keep going forward.

I’ll note: This post seems to be me just spilling everything out into the open – just typing what is on my mind, so I hope it doesn’t come off too messy!

I’m hoping to use this journal styled series to just openly share my journey with the feminine divine, things I have learned, what I’m doing, etc. Not sure if I will be posting once a week, bi-monthly, etc. However, if you are interested in following along be sure to look for the posts titled  “Filling the Void: …“. Now, why the title? At the beginning of the month I was working on the Many Moons workbook for the New Moon and solar eclipse, the section was all about the void – about surrendering to the void, leaving behind our former selves, and everything that wasn’t serving us at the time. I’ve been thinking about this section of the book ever since and realized the void is no longer scary, it’s starting to feel very safe and very open. The void is myself, it is what I feel that I’m missing in my life… maybe this is all hitting me because I’m 33 this year (I keep hearing about this age but haven’t looked into it) or I’m just at a point in my life where I want something more… who knows.

I just know I have this desire and longing to connect with a goddess based spirituality and connect more with women – my tribe, so that is what I’m going to do! Begin my exploration and see what happens. Being a feminist and also considering I am somewhat spiritual, I feel that maybe this is something I could start looking more into and combining the two. I have always been drawn towards the goddess archetypes and imagery. I treasure what the goddess represents and feel a connection to that but I often fight against. I keep goddess imagery throughout our house and in my studio (sacred space and tarot reading table).

I’ve never had any desire to explore the archetypes of the male gods or had an interest in male presence in my own practice, though I have done some light study on them. I’ll admit though, I usually skip chapters about the male archetypes when reading books or cross it out or change the word to “the Sun”… yes, I do that. I have nothing against men in general, I just have no desire to work with male archetypes in my own path. I love men, I’m married to a wonderful man at that! So I’m not talking about physical men, just wanted to clarify, haha!

Anyways, I just wanted to write a big opening post to invite this new “series” to the blog. I will most likely be writing more next week and talk about some current books I’m reading right now, as well as what I’m doing in my current practice and the goddess archetypes I currently work with. I tend to keep very private about things but I’ve been wanting to share more and more, it’s less lonely that way, haha! Last weekend I set up a new altar in my studio dedicated to the goddess and women, I would love to talk about that as well!

I hope you enjoyed this first post and I also hope it didn’t come off too hard to understand. I rewrote it a million times!


I’m looking for other goddess centered blogs, websites, and Facebook pages! If you have any recommendations, please leave a comment!